Unlearning the Flow
“I’m just going with the flow” - how often have you catch yourself or someone else use this sentence in their daily conversations? What does ‘going with the flow’ mean to you? What unlearning awaits
People use the phrase “going with the flow” in several different contexts – from the mildly misunderstood to the outright atrocious. But what does “the flow” really refer to beyond it’s new age understanding? Would it be possible for us to rediscover it in a way that it can become a tool for our authentic growth?
If you look up “the Flow” online, one of the first results you’ll find is probably a reference to the term as used in positive psychology coined around 1975 by a Hungarian-American Psychologist which essentially talks about a sense of timelessness when one gets deeply focused with doing an activity. However, the history of the philosophy of ‘the flow’ can be traced back centuries before to the East.
Wu Wei” or “the flow” state according to Taoism is based on Chinese philosophy , tracing its way back to 6th - 4th century BC to the times of Lao Tsu himself. The flow in Taoism refers to the experience of transcending from doing an act to becoming it.
Interviewer : “How did you spend your time before enlightenment?”
M: “I chop wood. I carry water”
Interviewer: So what have you been up to now that you are a realized master?
M: “Chop wood. Carry water.”
Interviewer : I don’t understand. So you mean nothing has changed?
M: No everything has. There is no “I” anymore.
At Unlearning Ashram, I invite participants to consider 4 agreements as a foundation before embarking upon any deep dive work with me. One of the agreements is about “Honoring Action” which invites the person to set conscious intention to learn to totally and absolutely involve themselves into any activity that they set out to do, no matter how big or small, important or unimportant they may find it to be. This is no easy skill to attain and comes from consistent conscious practice. This requires us to set aside our likes and dislikes, judgments and biases and not invest in worrying about outcomes but simply focus on putting our heart , head and hands into the moment – whether we are sweeping up the floor or facilitating a workshop. This is one of the most powerful practices towards mindfulness that can be integrated into our daily life.
One of the key aspects of becoming mindfully present is to learn to move away from our compulsive limiting patterns towards consciously stepping out of our comfort zone to push ourselves towards new horizons on all levels. To be in tune with something means letting go of our own compulsions and actively tuning ourselves towards the rhythms of what is.
Take dancing for example. When you have to dance with the right rhythm, the first step is to stop the urge to do whatever we feel compelled to do and listen closely to how the rhythm is. Only then can we begin to synchronize our movements to be in tune with the rhythms. While this may be difficult at first, with enough practice, it becomes almost instinctive.
One who expects life to dance to their personal rhythms would inevitably suffer dissonance. It is only when we learn to adapt our ways to the larger rhythms of life, that life becomes graceful and effortless. This begins with us learning to pay enormous attention to the rhythms of life. Only then can we truly learn to ‘be with the flow’.
Unfortunately, it has become far too common for people these days to use the phrase instead, as a clever means of choosing convenience and to escape responsibility. They misunderstand compulsive patterns within them to represent the flow. In my time coaching and mentoring individuals and groups through transformative journeys, we would often prescribe sadhana (conscious practice for self transformation) that they’d have to dedicate themselves into, so that what we explore does not just remain intellectual and can become a lived experience in them. These practices could be as simple as journaling specific things each day or complex yogic breathwork practices, etc. As we follow up on people with their practice after a few days, most often, we tend to hear something like,
“I just didn’t feel like doing anything today (like most days). It just wasn’t flowing for me.” or
“I just went with the flow these past few days and forgot to do the practices”
That is not how sadhana works. When we misunderstand our distractions and compulsions as 'the flow’ or as ‘natural’, we build a powerful block in our work towards transforming our lives. In fact, ‘I don’t feel like it’ is one of the biggest pandemic that I have had to deal with in my work with people around authentic well being.
To ‘be with the flow’ means to be in harmony with the deeper intelligence of life. To dissolve our sense of self in surrender and acceptance of the larger intelligence of life that unravels in it’s own seemingly chaotic harmony. However, in my own experiments and observations towards self transformation, I notice that none of us have really invested in learning what it means to truly ‘be’ with anything. This is why most of the work I offer today tends to be experiential. Because I have come to see that when we merely understand things intellectually instead of realizing it through lived experience, any tool loses it’s context and becomes distorted into a system of convenience.
May we learn to hold ‘the flow’ in the right context, so that it may transform our life and allow our humanity and intelligence to blossom in the way it has been doing for hundreds of years.